The Path I Take Will Not Be Easy, But I Know It Is My Soul’s Fulfillment

Happy December! Phew! National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) 2024 just finished and it has been a month, I’ll tell you that haha.

Congratulations to all those who participated, whether you met your 50k goal or not, because you devoted time to your craft! And that in itself is an accomplish. So congratulate and celebrate yourself!

Below is something I felt called to write. It’s about my journey and thoughts towards being a published writer. I gave up my last job to pursue this goal because I felt so strongly about it. And trying to get employed these past few years has been a challenge. There were times I wonder if I made a regrettable decision. But I realized I didn’t. That everything will work out. And that my devotion to my craft will never falter. I guess I felt called to write this as a letter to myself to stay strong in my beliefs and dreams.

I considered editing it before posting to make it polished and pretty but then realized that it would detract from the beauty of its raw honesty. 

So what is posted below is unedited, unpolished. It’s complete in its raw form as I felt the words flow from my mind to my fingertips and typed this out. It may not flow well or even make much sense, but, honestly I find it most beautiful in this form.

For all of your creatives & artists out there, this one is for you. 

* * *

I realize the path I am taking is one that will face much scrutiny from today’s social expectations.

And constantly I am being tested on my devotion to pursuing this challenging goal. Each day, I am ready to break down and return to what is familiar. To what I perceive as “safe”. To what is easier. 

All I know is this. 

I’ve lived the life that society has expected of me already. I’ve had the stable, flashy job. I’ve had the relationships. I’ve have the exemplary academics. I’ve had the money. The success. I’ve had all anyone had ever wanted. 

And I was miserable each and every day of it. 

Because I worked for the money, the fame, to fit into other people’s expectations of me. 

I didn’t work according to my heart’s calling, only my mind’s. 

Now I choose the path that will help me understand the heart’s calling. 

This path is one that will face more scrutiny than praise. It will be a lonely path, especially in the beginning, until you find your tribe. 

Maybe I’m naive for choosing the less traveled road, by choosing to find my identity and purpose in life, thinking it would be regarded with welcome arms.

I neglected to consider that what I believe to be the best decision is actually criticized by others because they can’t read my mind. They don’t feel my passion, which I agree, is my own passion. And for that I can’t fault them for the warnings they give me that I perceive as mockery, insult, a reminder that I’m a failure. 

I am not a failure. 

Only my inner demons continue that narrative.

But again, I have a choice. A choice to pipe down the inner demons. 

Because despite it all, I truly, deeply, feel in my soul that this is the path that will fulfill me most. 

And I have made the commitment several years ago to not stray from this path.

To challenge myself. To step away from my comfort zone and pursue what rings the most truth for me. 

I just didn’t anticipate so much backlash. It was jarring to experience that these past few years. 

And I find it disheartening and sad that the negative words, the insults, the criticism, the judgments are the ones that scream louder to us than the positive words.

I hope to achieve a balance between my heart’s and mind’s desires. Regardless of whether I do or not, following my soul has been an awakening, peaceful experience.

Which is why I wanted to capture beautiful, moving stories and share it with the world. I hope, even just a little, you can experience the beauty I feel inside of me through my works. 

I’m not the best storyteller. Hell, I’m not even considered mediocre.

But I feel the calling and what pushes me forward is the desire to share my heart with the world. Because it’s time. It’s time for me to not hide my heart away from others anymore. To not let the cruelty and judgments of others, or fear, shrivel this soul.

Because when I create, my heart is alive, the haze in my mind clears, my soul sings. I get to be free, to be me, fully, authentically, uninhibited. 

Not every day with your craft will evoke this romantic feeling. There are days that are difficult. I don’t fear them, and I advise you don’t either. The ebb and flow of creativity, of art, includes rough and tranquil waters. Work in tandem with it, and it won’t drown you. It will cradle you. I trust in creativity’s guidance that so long as I maintain discipline, that I am present, and I do not force it, it will support me beyond my imagination.